That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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