I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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