Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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