I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
