He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
