This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
