my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
