he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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