the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize