Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dick very happy bro
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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