I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Drunk is a universal language darling
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