is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
