you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
