I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
