Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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