The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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