wrigley field is MILF paradise
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize