im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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