Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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