I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
