hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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