Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
