2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I need to calm my uterus...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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