I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
