even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is the high leading the old right now
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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