Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
