He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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