the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
