chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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