We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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