there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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