I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
