My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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