get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
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