Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Duck Duck Cougar?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
