I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
