In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Sorry about my life...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
