Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
