I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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