you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
