Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
