I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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