Farmville is her only friend.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
