Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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