I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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