3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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