You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
