i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
