Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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