Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
