I wannas sexs uuuuu
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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