i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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