You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
