The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
