I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We need to get me chipped asap
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
