He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We left the knife in your bed.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize