I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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