I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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