how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
